Have you ever been in conflicts where you felt that the other person has done wrong to you or a loved one, and it makes you boil the more you think about it?
I was recently in one such emotional ditch. It was a snowball that gathered force over a series of small but recurring incidents, until one incident which became the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Anger washed over me, but it was a situation where I could neither confront nor openly express my disapproval. I could only boil inside. The more I played the incidents in my mind, the more the anger grew and the more bitter I got.
I was not a happy person. People close to me could sense that I was not my usual self and if you came too near you risk getting scorched. It felt horrible. I did not like being like this, but I was holding on to the feeling of self-righteousness, and I wanted others to be convinced that I had been right and the other person had been wrong.
In other words, I was playing the game of victim vs. perpetrator. It felt superior to be the morally-right victim, and in the heat of it I could not see that I was caging myself in suffering.
Thankfully, this issue came up in conversation with a dear friend – a wise and loving teacher who has gone through much rougher storms in life. She helped me remember and reconnect with who I truly am – a joyful and strong woman. I realised what this negativity was doing to me and my family, and saw that it was not worth holding on to it.
I stepped out of our conversation feeling renewed and much lighter, having decided to let go.
If I am letting go of anger, grudge and control, what then shall I hold on to?
Here are some better thoughts which I am learning to hold when in such conflict situations. May they also serve you in your rough moments.
- Do whatever bad, but I will only do good
Others can say and do whatever they want, but I shall strive to keep my thoughts pure, my words impeccable, and my actions in integrity.
- When life pulls me down, keep my head above the water
Be careful about getting pulled into the quicksand of judgement, blame, anger and misery. Do what is needed to keep breathing and hold a clear mind.
- I am the pillar of the family, who and how I am matters
The mother is a central pillar of the family, and my energy has a direct and deep impact on my children and household. I can choose to infuse toxic thoughts and emotions, or I can choose to radiate love and forgiveness.
- I chose to be a messenger of Light, therefore stop complaining about the darkness!
Light is most needed where it is darkest. Messengers of joy, love, and peace are often called to places that have the opposite qualities. I am aware that I have chosen this path and this duty in this life, therefore when I next find myself complaining about tough times and difficult people, I can only point the finger towards myself.
- Focus on what makes me feel good and expansive inside-out
Take responsibility for creating activities and an environment that makes me feel good and whole. If I need to take time out or go somewhere, do it!
- Grow a thicker skin and stronger shoulders
Whatever life throws me, grow a thicker skin to withstand the impact and stronger shoulders to hold them gracefully, because the toughest lessons are yet to come. Just like in the world of gaming, the countless enemies along the way are meant to prepare us for the final boss battle.
And finally, one of the biggest lessons that I am struggling to learn as a sensitive person…
- Don’t take anything personally
Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds…
— The Second Agreement, from “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz
And look what a friend sent me today… what a coincidence, isn’t it!
Do Your Part To Help The Whole World Situation
Never hold a grudge against anyone or any nation, because if you do, you do not know the first thing about My Divine Love, and it is love, My Divine Love that makes the world go round, that makes life worth living, that brings peace, unity and harmony to all peoples, all nations, to the whole world. My Divine Love is like a tiny seed in the heart of every soul and when it is recognised and is tended and cared for it grows and grows until you can indeed take the whole world on your heart, because your heart is filled with My Divine Love and you begin to see the world and mankind as I see them, as perfect. Change your thinking, think aright, and you can then do your part to help the whole world situation, for your whole life and living will be a constant pinpointed prayer and My Divine Love will be reflected in you and become like that pinpoint of concentrated power shining through the magnifying glass.
— Findhorn Foundation Scotland. August 2016.