How to Identify Your Values and Use Them to Create More Success and Happiness

How to Identify Your Values and Use Them to Create More Success and Happiness

Have you ever been at a crossroad in your life and found it difficult to choose which direction to focus on?

Or have you had too many things on your plate and could not decide on what to prioritise?

How did you eventually decide, and what did you learn about yourself in the process?

I have those moments all the time. Some are smaller daily matters, some are turning points in life. Most of the time, I have not been mindful and end up spending more time hanging around the decision – either procrastinating, or jumping too fast into it and then having to re-decide because of doubts or regrets after the jump.

What if you are able to meet such moments with clarity and confidence? How much time and unnecessary worries would it save you? How much more energy would it bring you as you work towards your dreams and goals?

The door to your soul’s clarity and confidence can be accessed by a few keys, one of which is knowing your values. Knowing your values means being clear on these: what is important to you? What are you naturally motivated by? What drives your emotions, behaviour and decisions?

With clarity, comes focus. With focus, things get done faster. When things get done, the momentum inspires and springs you into a cycle of productivity and confidence.

Read more

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Ah… like an old friend, isn’t it? This part of us that loves comparing ourselves to others. This is something that we all do and one of the things that makes us so human. I wonder if this is an innate tendency that we are born with, or have we acquired it from the society as we grew? Interestingly, we more often ‘compare up’ rather than ‘compare down’. The main benefit for such a behaviour is that it serves as a benchmark for our growth and evolution. Otherwise, for the most part, it dampens our sense of worthiness.

This week’s article is a longer one as it touches on a few related topics that I’m sure many of you would identify with.

The two things that you likely compare most frequently are possessions (what they have) and achievements (what they do). I used to experience jealousy whenever I compare myself to others whom I regard as being better off. Thankfully, that jealousy has subsided and healthier feelings of envy or admiration have taken its place instead. I must admit that they are regular visitors in my mind more often than I would like to! Oh… look at that dream wedding that she just had; or that successful business that is generating a remarkable income; or that perfect body that looks good in any attire; or that beautiful house by the sea that they live in… oh how I wish… and the list goes on. Can you identify with these voices too?

The third thing that we compare, to a lesser degree, is attitude and personality (who they are).

Read more

An (Embarrassing) Confession

An (Embarrassing) Confession

I have a confession to make.

A month ago, I had an epiphany about my calling. Sounds serious, doesn’t it! I have always been passionate about relationships and knew that I wanted to do something related to this topic. I believe that the quality of our relationships directly influences all other areas of our lives, and I also believe that the context of a relationship provides us with the most intimate opportunities for our personal and spiritual growth. I wish to see people in rich and fulfilling relationships which bring out the best in them. That night when the epiphany hit, it became clear that I want to help them improve their communication so as to build, strengthen and heal relationships.

I was delirious! I woke Mr Hurry (the hubby) up and proclaimed my world-saving plans to him. He thought he was dreaming. I announced to my friends around the world, “I have found my calling!” and they were all excited for me, nodding in approval at the necessity of that work. I started mapping out ideas and visualised myself to be the next John Gottman, Gary Chapman, or Bill and Pam Farrel. I decided that I should now channel all sources towards manifesting that and refocused my blog to that sole purpose. I wrote a message to all my blog readers where I gushed determinedly about this new focus. You might even have noticed the new title ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ and wonder what Huimin is up to.

Read more

Acknowledging Anger

Acknowledging Anger

Is Anger bad?

I was brought up to think that it is. It is bad to experience anger, much less to express it. After all, good girls don’t get angry. Good girls are nice and well-behaved and everyone likes them. And so I learnt to suppress my own feelings of anger and to please others in exchange for a pat of approval.

It is only in the recent years of my adult life that I am learning to let go of the belief that anger is bad and, consequently, that I am bad if I experience or express anger. Here’s sharing a poem I wrote to Anger in the aftermath of its visit recently, a visit which brought precious clarity on the issue at hand.

Read more