Last week we talked about the 3 words to keep out of your conversations. How did your practice go? Were there any other words which you noticed yourself using more than needed?
If there are words to use less of, what then shall we use more of? Here are three phrases which, when expressed sincerely, can heal your relationships. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of sincerity; how we say something often has a greater impact than what we say. A blind substitution of words would not work because it requires a shift in your attitude and even a good dose of humility.
A month ago, I had an epiphany about my calling. Sounds serious, doesn’t it! I have always been passionate about relationships and knew that I wanted to do something related to this topic. I believe that the quality of our relationships directly influences all other areas of our lives, and I also believe that the context of a relationship provides us with the most intimate opportunities for our personal and spiritual growth. I wish to see people in rich and fulfilling relationships which bring out the best in them. That night when the epiphany hit, it became clear that I want to help them improve their communication so as to build, strengthen and heal relationships.
I was delirious! I woke Mr Hurry (the hubby) up and proclaimed my world-saving plans to him. He thought he was dreaming. I announced to my friends around the world, “I have found my calling!” and they were all excited for me, nodding in approval at the necessity of that work. I started mapping out ideas and visualised myself to be the next John Gottman, Gary Chapman, or Bill and Pam Farrel. I decided that I should now channel all sources towards manifesting that and refocused my blog to that sole purpose. I wrote a message to all my blog readers where I gushed determinedly about this new focus. You might even have noticed the new title ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ and wonder what Huimin is up to.
When it comes to communication, more is not necessarily better. More of the wrong words create misunderstandings and deepen conflicts instead. Here are three such words which are commonly used, and what you can replace them with.
I was brought up to think that it is. It is bad to experience anger, much less to express it. After all, good girls don’t get angry. Good girls are nice and well-behaved and everyone likes them. And so I learnt to suppress my own feelings of anger and to please others in exchange for a pat of approval.
It is only in the recent years of my adult life that I am learning to let go of the belief that anger is bad and, consequently, that I am bad if I experience or express anger. Here’s sharing a poem I wrote to Anger in the aftermath of its visit recently, a visit which brought precious clarity on the issue at hand.